Keys….

Reading another Blog this morning reminded me of the recent controversy up at the allotment.

We have a very loose Allotment Association run for us by our Secretary, Sylvia(names changed to protect the innocent) and her deputy known as Farmer Dennis. Dennis hails from Norfolk and talk proper like they dew up there. Also on our site we have a few old hands, some with Nicknames like Pop Eye or Del Boy, and  a few younger tenants, even younger than me, like The Bee Boys who have hives secreted in their little out of the way patch and  a young welsh gentleman and his bright eleven years old daughter.

We’re a multi ethnic lot too, Italian, Cypriot, Nigerian , Jamaican, Welsh (of course ), Romanian and so forth.

Well, back to keys.

At our AGM the topic of locks on the gates came up. The combination locks on both gates had given up the ghost and had developed a habit of  springing surprises by either refusing to lock or, alternatively, jamming. Sylvia had researched the cost of registered and licensed security locks. The kind for which you cannot get new keys cut with out the correct license. We would all be issued with a key for which a deposit would be payable…..£15….

The proposal was passed.

And then the trouble started…..”Why do we have to pay £15? That’s not how we did it in the old days. We only payed £5 and we could keys cut for our friends”

“That’s exactly why we need these keys. Then only plot holders can come in.” I pointed out

This went on for three or four weeks.

“What’s the use of having locks when the yobs and kids can climb over the railway fence? It’s nine times I’ve had this shed broken into. They took my rotovator”

“Well we are told not  to leave machinery on site.” I point out,”And if the gates are left unlocked any old Tom, Dick or Harry can come and lift my spuds or even use the place as a fly-tip.”

” But they didn’t even call the police.”

“Have you lost use of your fingers then?” I asked, with not a small touch of frustrated sarcasm.

Off he goes to grumble to Sylvia, yet again.

He’s not the only one….the old guard are all at it. Some rent up to three plots and can’t manage them at all well and they can’t see further than fifteen years ago, before the rise of the Elf of Safety, when the Council didn’t bother to do anything and any one could have a key and come onto the site.

Well, Sylvia decided to buy new combination locks and leave the status quo….

Oh, I have a feeling that there will be more plot inspections and letters from the council about non display of plot number, not keeping the paths tidy, allowing too many weeds to grow and sheds that are larger than allowed in the contract. Maybe the Council will even start collecting rental fees.

Go Sylvia!

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8 Responses to “Keys….”

  1. Rummuser Says:

    I have to be a member of a cooperative housing society to buy and live in the home that I now live in. There is a neighbourhood residents association which liaises with the municipal authorities for common problems of the locality. Meetings of the former and the latter are full of exactly the kind of mumblings and grumblings that you write about. We too are multi linguistic, cultural and ethnic in both the associations, so there is no homogeneity there either.

    My conclusion? People will be people.

  2. Magpie 11 Says:

    Having worked on committees in various capacities in a variety of fields one thing I noticed was that many hours were taken up with discussions about how to save money on things like postage. Always the same ideas that did not really reduce costs….
    This is just one of the variety of topics discussed endlessly.

    Perhaps today discussion of whether to send e-mails in encrypted form would take up the time?

  3. bitchontheblog Says:

    My dear Magpie, and then there is the key to one’s heart. Duplicates, misplaced, lost and all.

    As to committees, indeed anything involving Bureau Crazy, I shake my head in wonderment: Time, energy and money will be spent to work out how to save £2.50. On the bright side: If the collective ‘We’ didn’t engage in the folly a lot of people would be out of a job or a pastime. Maybe instead admiring their own potato plight.

    Yes, locks. Once you have locked yourself out of your own double barrelled home to witness locksmith (professional) let you back into your fortress, within seconds, you will not harbour further illusions as to your security any longer. Move to the top floor instead. DO NOT HIDE A KNIFE UNDER YOUR MATTRESS. It’ll be the very weapon that’ll kill you.

    What I want to know is: Why do not more locksmiths moonlight by burglary?

    U

    • magpie11 Says:

      Heart keys? No comment…

      The key (ahem) to security is apparently time…the longer it takes the more deterrent effect.

      Hiding a knife under the mattress? That is daft a) your own weight may well prevent you removing it b) when you stick your hand under there the betting is that you’ll cut yourself on it!

      Living on the top floor also has other advantages.Mainly that the noise from parties on the floor above is a lot less annoying.

  4. magpie11 Says:

    Heart keys? All to readily handed over?

  5. Ursula Says:

    “Heart keys? All too readily handed over?” You ask.

    Oh no. Fort Knox has nothing on me.

    On handing over a calling card my maid will then show you into the antechamber which is warm and welcoming and open to the public.

    The rest of the house under lock and key.

    U

  6. bikehikebabe Says:

    This is why I hate meetings. Blah, blah, blah everybody with a different opinion.

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