The Tractor Fan

Jim was a rare breed. He was a Tractor Fan, more accurately he was a Tractor Fanatic. He had been a tractor fan since he first saw a Fordson Major as a child:

Fordson major

Jim’s passion was confirmed when he saw:

Fordson Standard

a Fordson Standard.

Jim became more and more obsessed with tractors. He became, probably, the world’s greatest Tractor fan! He started a Tractor Fan Club that had member’s worldwide.

He carried a notebook in which he recorded sightings of tractors and in which he pasted pictures of tractors he had seen:

A lovely little Ferguson aka a Fergy

A lovely little Ferguson aka a Fergy

He even went to the Eastern Bloc to find tractors:

Polish tractor

Polish tractor

Well, one day Jim was driving down a country road in the South West of Britain when he was forced to slam on his brakes. There in a field was a tractor like no other he had seen before.

Jim thought he had seen everything

from

a tiny John Deer Lawn Tractor

a tiny John Deer Lawn Tractor

To

an old Lanz tractor

an old Lanz tractor

and

a Modern large wheeled tractor

a Modern large wheeled tractor

He had even seen several

toy tractors

toy tractors

BUT he had never seen anything like this

American Behemoth

American Behemoth

Jim was astounded, Amazed, gob-smacked, speechless…over come with excitement.

Suddenly, all those years of training snapped into action. He was over the gate in a  flash. He should have been a steeple chaser on this showing! His camera was out and he snapped away as if his life depended on it. I cannot be sure that he was not actually foaming at the mouth with excitement. When he had used up a whole 4 megabyte memory card out came his note book and a tape measure, not that the latter was really any good for measuring such a monster,and in to the note book went every detail that he could glean.

“OY! What be e doin’ with my tractor?” The voice barely impinged upon Jim’s conciousness.

“I said..What be e doin’ with my tractor my loveerrr?”

This reached into Jim’s brain. No one had ever called him “my loveeerrr” before.

He stumbled over his words while quivering with excitement and eventually the farmer understood what was going on.

Looking at Jim the kind hearted man opined, “I think e ‘as a problem my Loveeerrr.”

Jim agreed. His addiction had gone too far.

“I tell e wot I’ll do. I’ll cure e of your addiction. I e’ll come and work for me for six months I’ll promise  e  e’ll never look at a tractor again.”

Jim was dumbfounded at the man’s generosity and agreed. The farmer was as good as his word. By the time six months was up Jim never wanted to see another tractor in his life.

He was cured.

In celebration Jim decide to buy himself a pint of Scrumpy at a local hostelry on his way home.

On entering the bar he found it full of wood smoke from the fire and the clientèle coughing and spluttering fit to die.

Nothing vaunted, Jim knew he had the answer.

He stood in the middle of the room and drew in a deep deep breath. He breathed in and breathed in and breathed in and then closed his mouth and held his nose.

Out of the door of the Hostelry he ran and breathed out.

On returning to the bar he was greeted with clear air and a rousing cheer from the assembled throng.

He approached the bar to be greeted by the barmaid’s enquiry, “How did you do that?”

“Oh,” Jim replied,”it was  easy. You see I’m………………………an

……………………………………………………………

…….EX      TRACTOR       FAN!

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7 Responses to “The Tractor Fan”

  1. Rummuser Says:

    I shall send you my orthopedist’s bill for the damage caused by my laughing fit.

  2. Magpie11 Says:

    I’m glad someone found it funny…..

    It’s the way I tell ’em!

  3. Conrad Says:

    As my grandmother would have said, “Lawsy!”

    Your last TWO pieces have done it for me. I thought I had seen people do some heavy lifting to set up a joke!

  4. Grannymar Says:

    That set me up for the day! 😀

  5. Magpie11 Says:

    Three out of three…so far!
    Even “She who thinks she must be obeyed” (aka ma in law) though that it was hilarious!

    Glad to oblige.

  6. Marianna Says:

    “Badadadump!”

  7. magpie11 Says:

    Spread the word…I just love this silly joke!

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